I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
