the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
