SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
