I think im going to throw up on grandma
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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