tell your sister to shave her snatch
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
