Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
