Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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