This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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