Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I touched a dick in church today
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
