He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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