I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
