i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
