I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm passing your future prison.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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