i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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