I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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