She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
