My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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