doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish you could order shots online.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
