The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
