Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
