Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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