Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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