well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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