Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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