I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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