i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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