Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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