it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
