Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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