i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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