I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The air was thick with penises
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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