We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
