a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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