He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
