I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
worst night to have a conscience
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
