Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
