Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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