Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
