Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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