Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
