Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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