Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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