you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
