There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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