Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
