Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
