I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
