You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
