blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
