I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There r osticjed everywhere
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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