What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize