remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
