I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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