ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
