there's paper in my vomit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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