I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
