im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
