How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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