just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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