I haven't been this sober since birth.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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