i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
