I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
