i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
