my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
