i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
