My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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