Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
