my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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