she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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