I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
