I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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