he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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